And Then She Was Gone

I think there was definitely a part of me that did not believe the day would actually come. I knew that it had to, obviously, but I guess I just didn't believe it.

It was more than 18 years away. And then, all too soon, it happened. She's not at home any more.

She is a college freshman. I don't fully understand how this little girl can be on her own at college:

But she is. 

She has her apartment. She has her roommates. She has her books. She has her student ID with Dining Dollars loaded on so she doesn't starve while she is on campus during the day.

In 4 years, she will graduate from college again, only without the pacifier. Unless, of course, we decide to do one of those "recreate old family photo" moments. That would be fun. I bet she would love it.

I cannot adequately express in any known human language how incredibly proud I am of this young woman. I am now, officially, an NAU Dad.

And I can neither confirm nor deny that any of the below-pictured individuals were crying just before this picture.

Neither can I confirm nor deny that NAU Mom and NAU Dad left later than they needed to in order to pick up the NAU Brothers from NAU Grandma's because they were dragging their feet because they didn't want to leave their NAU Baby Girl in Flagstaff.

She is going to do awesome things. She has good friends with her to lean on and they to lean on her. It's nice to start out with that. And I can comfort myself to know that I will see her in just over 2 short (yet very long) weeks from now.

52 Weeks

I'm cheating a bit, I suppose, but it's her birthday and her birthday week last year started on a miserable note and ended on a devastating one.

It's been 52 weeks since we received the news about Matti's diagnosis. Nicki called me right after she got the call and I sat at work in shock. Stunned. I couldn't do anything.

Nicki was up on the mountain doing pictures with Matti. As a family, we spent the weekend just letting that information settle into our minds, even while we had an appointment set up right away with a cancer specialist here in Las Vegas. We only told our parents and we couldn't talk about it with anyone else. It made it too real.

Even when I told my mom, I could barely get the words out. It had been less than 2 years since my Dad died from cancer. Our personal experiences with various cancer had not come with desirable results.

Then...52 weeks later, Matti is really doing great. She has had 2 sets of fully clear scans. She is stronger and doing so much at school.

She just got back from a trip with the school choir, Academy Singers, to Spain. What a fantastic opportunity!! I have no pictures, but she and Nicki do, and you have probably seen them on Facebook.

Just before she left for Spain, we did the Walk for Wishes...and Matti dressed up as Rapunzel to "meet and greet" kids there. She had a special, brief reunion with Chloe, who is the little girl who's wish reveal Matti helped with.



And...actually, just before that, we were in Provo for BYU Vocal Point's 25 Anniversary Concert. She (along with her brothers) got to perform in all 3 shows with the "VP Alumni Kids." She had a lead part and...of course killed it. This was my favorite picture I could find from searching #VP25.

A photo posted by Logan Kimzey (@logankimzey) on Mar 4, 2016 at 8:20pm PST

Then even more fantastic news we received just yesterday: Matti qualified for and received a full resident tuition scholarship from the School of Music at NAU, thanks to her extremely beautiful and awesome singing voice! It's always nice to have someone (besides your parents) recognize the work, training, and, frankly, raw talent you have.

And you all saw this: (Click Here) when she was on the news this past Monday.

And...it's her birthday and I love her and this week is so much better than her birthday week last year!!!

Three Months

It's been 3 months since her end-of-treatment scans. It is that time, now, for scans to be done - as it will be every three months for the next couple of years.

Some people spell relief r-o-l-a-i-d-s (although some may say it's more relief to let nature take its course in that regard). For a teenager, it might be popping a painful zit. For others, it's having the brakes on the car work and not getting in an accident. It may even be tweezing that one last annoying hair out of your ear.

Whatever relief is to you, I don't know that words can adequately express the relief I felt after getting the call from Matti this morning that the scans from yesterday were all clear.

In fact, I didn't even realize how much relief it was going to be to me until I was brought to tears a little bit later. It wasn't the reaction I expected, but relief and gratitude are the most apt words.

I don't know if there will come a time when I will take for granted clear scans, any more. I don't know if my reaction will be this visceral every time, either. But, it was only 333 days ago that a different phone call brought me to tears for a completely opposite reason.

What has Matti been up to the past 3 months? Getting stronger. Working harder. Kicking butt and taking names.

Her Make-a-Wish trip has been documented, but that was a great week. It was magical and such a welcome break and respite from all that our family had been through the previous 9 months. Here is a sample of that trip:

Hollywood Studios

Magic Kingdom

Then, she was back to school. And she was able to get the things done she needed to stay current in all her classes. She started applying for scholarships and schools and she was accepted to Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, Arizona.

You may also know that she did Solo and Ensemble and then Regional Solo and Ensemble. She received highest ratings in both, receiving Command Performance in Regionals. That means that she placed somewhere in the top 10% of all female vocalists in the region (the 3rd largest school district in the country). Also, the ensemble she sang with received Command, as well.

Now we wait to hear what happens with All-State.

Then, last weekend, she auditioned for the music department at NAU (which determines her acceptance to the music program, as well as scholarship opportunities and class placements for theory and others.

And, she killed it.

Yes, I am extremely proud of how she has continued to do what she does and to do it well in the face of her struggles.  She has worked hard to develop talents God has given her.  And that is enough, right there, to elicit swelling in my heart and chest, let alone overcoming what she has had to in order to get to this point.