Deep Breaths

I was just thinking on Friday that we really were so blessed. Things are going okay with the treatments. Matti is handling them all like a champ.

We had some fun family time the past few days.

On Saturday previous, the only thing I really wanted for Father's Day was to go to "Jurassic World" with the whole family. Sure, I had some reservation about the younger ones, but part of the entertainment was watching their faces as they saw the dinosaurs rage on the screen. We didn't even need the extra underpants we brought for them.  This scene is very typical of me and the youngest 3 boys:

Then, on Wednesday we were treated to an outing to see "Inside Out" courtesy of Candlelighters.  I have mentioned it before, but I believe they are a charity worthy of your donation dollars, if you are so inclined.


On Thursday night, we spent the evening at Spring Mountain Ranch with friends to see "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." A good time was had by all. Matti's friends are represented by toes and knees in the picture below. Another group of friends is behind the camera.

So, back to Friday...I am thinking everything is great - considering.  I was going to write in this blog about it and how there is a part of me just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Then Nicki calls to tell me she is taking Matti to the ER.

Matti's right eye was completely dilated and nonreactive to light. The left eye was fine. Nicki called the doctor and was told to take her down to Sunrise.

They did a CT and some other tests and decided to admit her and keep her overnight because the eye wasn't any better a few hours later and...they saw an "abnormality" on the top of the brain.

WTF? Is that like a Brain Cloud? WHAT!? What does that mean?

They had no answers.  Just that they would do an MRI in the morning and be able to have a better look.  Plus, they would compare these to her scans she had in April.

Needless to say Matti was freaking out.  She was already having to worry about just having cancer.  Now she has an "abnormality" on her brain CT. Her Grandpa (my Dad) died less than two years ago from brain cancer. Her uncle (Nicki's uncle Lyman) just a year before that of the same brain cancer. Her Uncle Mike (Nicki's uncle) just 7 years before that of the same brain cancer.

Nicki had the herculean job of trying to keep her calm and distracted through the night while being freaked out herself.  And I had the job of going home and not losing it in front of the other kids.

Why? Why does that even have to be a thing? Why? I will not admit that I totally lost it and sobbed like a baby in the shower on Saturday morning when nobody could be watching.

Not too long after, Nicki called with the results of the MRI. The "abnormality" was not there. It could have been a fly buzzing around, or Matti moved slightly during the scan, or some mysterious smoke monster moving through the room. Who knows? But everything looks great.

As for the eye?  Matti wears a patch behind her ear to help with nausea from the chemo.  The doctor's hypothesis is that Matti touched the patch and then rubbed her eye.  The medication in the patch could cause the muscles in the eye to relax and the pupils dilate.

We aren't going to test the hypothesis. But we are grateful there is no more brain cloud.